The following account happened recently, though not today - I waited, and prayed, and at the urging of my husband I allowed a sense of grace before posting this. It has been slightly edited from its original version. Now I release to you. Please share if you think someone in your circle could benefit from hearing it, someone that needs a word of encouragement that there are people who can relate.
Previously....
I am Disappointed. Shocked. Hurt. And Angry.
As many of you know, my husband is away. I am a working mom to 3 active boys, juggling it all and doing the best I can. Most of you can relate.
Today, I met with a client at a local coffee shop. My teen was at a movie with a friend so I had my 2 and 5 year old with me. My kids were patient for the first few minutes as they gobbled up their bakery treats, and then my 2 year old began to act like...well, a two year old. I took him out of the high chair because, in my experience, when a kid really wants out of that chair it becomes more of a hazard than a help. For the next 15 minutes I played a "chase him down, distract him" game - you see, this one is my runner. And I generally have a stroller to contain him. But not today - the stroller was out on the front walk of my house and got soaked in an early morning rain storm. So today, I was simply doing the best I could to keep him safe, carry on a meeting as well as possible, and then head home where he could run free out back.
Now to paint the picture, let me lay it out for you...this bakery is located directly under a pediatrics office. At the time we were there, there was only one other table of people in the bakery, with 2 men sitting there. It was hot and the doors are full length doors and were opened. Both of my littles came and sat next to us and would "read" newspapers for a couple of minutes, and would then run amuck, to the point that my 2 year old would escape through the big doors and I would have to go get him and bring him back inside from the sidewalk.
After about 15 minutes, I told my precious little toddler to "come back closer to mommy or I will have to buckle you in the high chair." And following that I hear,
"Maybe you should."
Now, I should point out that I am in Germany and this was said in perfect English. It was easy to assume these people were American and quite probably connected to the military. So I was a little taken back, because SURELY military members would not be so rude and arrogant.
The conversation that ensued was disheartening to say the least.
I walked around the corner and proceeded to say, "Excuse me?"
"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to him," he says. (Pointing to the other man at the table)
"Are you kidding me? You CLEARLY said that directed at me, otherwise you would have used different words. He is a two year old acting like a 2 year old."
He then says, "We were just talking about how great these German places are and then undisciplined American kids come and ruin it."
To which I reply," I am sorry if you are bothered here, my husband is away and I am simply doing the best I can. You know, you could be helpful instead of hurtful."
He then says, "You know they have child care and kindergartens available to you. Maybe you shouldn't have them here if you can't control them."
"You don't have children, do you?"
"Yes I do," he replies.
"Seriously? And I suppose your children sit and obey and have perfect attitudes at all times?" He nodded.
"Sir, can I ask, what is your name?" He responds with "I don't think I will tell you that."
Hmmm. "Ok, so you are willing to treat me this way and say what you have said, and if you feel so justified and proud of yourself then why not back it up with your name?" He then tells me, but refuses to spell it when I ask.
He asks why I want the information, and I tell him to share with my spouse, because I feel my husband would like to know just how un-supportive he is being of a military spouse. He then turns and says, "Well, my spouse is right here, let's see how he feels about it." Speaking to the man seated with him, "are you bothered by this poor behavior, is this disrupting you?" Of course his "wife" (his own reference of the man with him) stays quiet and has nothing to interject.
The lady I was meeting with came over and told him how inappropriate he was being. Another customer approached the bakery counter and chatted with the lady working there. She then came over to me and stated, "They have no problem with your kids so please don't pay attention to this man or his opinions." The bakery employee then brought over a pretzel for my kids to split - my kids, who had in fact calmed down to watch this nonsense. (I will be taking a thank you gift to the gracious employee.)
This man then asked for my name, which I not only gave but I even spelled it when he asked me to. I am proud to be the wife of my husband - proud of that name. Proud of the integrity by which I live. And proud to be a mother who stands up for her children. I don't care what title goes with your name, when you speak poorly of someone's children you bring out MAMA BEAR.
And let's talk about that title for a moment. A Colonel in the USAF should know better. Should lead better. Should be a man people look up to. A LEADER is generally someone who cares about people. Clearly, this man does not. A LEADER is a person who chooses his words wisely because they have been trained and seasoned to do so. Clearly, this man does not. A LEADER is a man who should embody the traits of honor and respect. Clearly, this man does not. I am embarrassed on behalf of the USAF that this man has obtained a rank that is generally associated with leadership. I am disappointed in the blatant lack of understanding and sensitivity for a family of a service member.
Let me point out, I am not justifying my son's behavior. Yes, he was not "behaving." So what? I would NEVER tell someone that they should leave an establishment because their child is being crazy. I DO offer to help out. I DO often play peek-a-boo or offer a toy to distract when I can see a kid pushing limits. I DO offer up snacks or treats (with mom's permission) to help refocus kids who are acting out. It is appalling to me to be treated this way by not only a member of the military, but one that is in a position of authority at that!
I am left wondering, would this have played out this way if my husband were here? Would he have been a rude JERK to him? I am a strong woman, fully capable of taking what he said in stride, reporting it to the right people, praying for his heart to changed by Jesus...
but what if I were not? What if, imagine with me, what if I were a brand new military wife? What if I had never been away from home, was new to overseas living? I can only imagine how
BROKEN I would feel after such a display of arrogance.
This sickens me on behalf of all those spouses, the ones who would never speak up, are uncomfortable or too afraid - the ones who would shrink away in embarrassment, feeling as though he somehow were right all because of his title. It is for them that I speak up and bring awareness to this situation. I speak up on behalf of all military spouses, I am here to tell you, he was NOT right. So listen to me spouses...when your kids are screaming, and running away, and make you want to pull your hair out, just breathe. Show mercy and grace, and understand they are only kids. And more than likely they are tired, or lonely, or distraught over your husband being gone - trust me, a 2 year old can experience the stress of daddy being gone. Just because they can't voice it in a conversation, their actions are sometimes simple ways to show they are stressed. And it is ok. Most of US have your back. There will generally be someone who will show up to help you. Most of US have been there...clearly the man from today has NOT.
Today, I watched an openly gay man in a position of power flaunt his disdain for children. I engaged in a conversation that should never have taken place. We as people should care for one another and be there to help when the time arises. The military has changed a lot in recent years and this was one more example of that. Priorities have shifted, rules have changed, and common morality has declined. It is a new military indeed. Pray. I know of no other answer...just pray.
In closing, I would like to take a moment to say THANK YOU. Thank you to those military leaders who DO lead with integrity, it does not go unnoticed. Thank you to those families working abroad who DO support each other, it does not go unnoticed. Thank you to the community that really "gets it" and shows appreciation for the sacrifices military families make, it does not go unnoticed. And thank you to my CHILDREN, for keeping me soft and tenderhearted in a world that contains people such as this man.
